SOMETHING LIKENED TO SLAVERY

Reading became stress. The stress that came from disappointments in herself not from the reluctance of staying up all through the night.

She was alone in the room now, crying and trying to stop something she didn’t like but seemed like she had to do to gain her sanity. The moment finally ended.

‘’Lord I’m sorry’’ she muttered in guilt, closed her notes, switched off the light and forced herself to sleep.

Sunday was next day. She was so early, earlier than chapel workers. It felt like chapel was the place she could correct her wrongs.

Moni! Her roomie shouted as she approached their room.

‘’You’re early today oo’’

She smiled. Moni was known for her smile but this time, her smile had turmoil in it. ‘’Good morning’’ she said to her roommate.

This morning walk to chapel wasn’t complete without her friends but that was the intention, to be alone, to find relief.

The saxophonists were preparing to usher the preacher. The lead player gave its first sound, everyone was up. Moni could not stand from her sit. That song she knew but never understood until now were interpreted by the crowd from the sound of the saxophone.

‘’My God’’ she whispered as she began to sing.

Ancient words ever true,

Changing me and changing you,

We have come with open heart,

O let the ancient words impart.  

She broke down in tears as she bent her head to her laps with both hands covering her face. 

‘’Why do I keep falling? I can’t overcome, I want to know you more Lord’’. Thoughts ran through her head.

It was an invited guest. The sermon was on Addiction. Moni was about to write but that shock stopped her.  

‘’Addiction!’’ again the preacher exclaimed.

This time she wasn’t feeling much of guilt but eagerness to hear if the preacher could proffer a solution.

Chapel was over. Moni was blessed.

Sunday’s sleep as Moni always called it was the most interesting sleep for her. On Sunday afternoons and every of her leisure, she derived her happiness from reading mills and boon online and fantasizing about them.

But this Sunday was different. She needed her source of happiness directly from God. It seemed like there was a part of God he was missing. She was reading about the Holy Spirit online before she slept off.

She went into her lecturer’s office after her first class on Monday. The lecturer was also a young unmarried pastor in the school chapel.

She knew Moni wanted to tell her something beyond Good morning ma and submission of assignment.

‘’Are you ok?’’ The lecturer asked calmly.

‘’Yes ma but please I want to tell you something confidential’’ Moni said shyly

‘'you can go ahead’’ she replied.

Moni paused to check the facial expression of her lecturer. Welcoming as usual.

‘’I usually…’’ tears dropped!

The lecturer brought out a handkerchief as she moved closer to Moni to wipe her tears.

‘’I don’t know how to say it, it’s embarrassing’’.  Moni said

‘’No matter how embarrassing it might be, I will gladly hear you’’ she replied

Moni summoned courage.  ‘’I usually masturbate. I don’t like it but I can’t stop. It makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel like let me just go on with other bad things since I can’t stop this one, I feel like God is angry with me.’’

‘’You have power over sins, you will stop’’, her lecturer said smiling. Like that smile inspired by the Holy Spirit. The lecturer held her hands to pray, Moni got baptized in the Holy Spirit as the lecturer spoke in tongues while praying with her.

She was crying now, not tears of pain but tears of her victory and the feelings of the love of her saviour getting restored back to her.

Moni stopped visiting those sites and stopped reading those super romance stories that made her happy. Her lecturer told her that part of the temptation we fall into were as a result of the content we feed ourselves. She reminded her about James 1:13-15. And so Moni had realized that part of the things she had to control were what she read and some things she care freely watched that came back creating images in her head. Her source of happiness was directly from God.

As she continued in this process she felt content in Christ. At those times the urge came she spoke in the Holy Spirit and leveraged on the revelation she had in God’s word.

‘’ Thank you lord’’ she said as she put off the light to sleep.

There are five steps I would like to share with you on stopping addiction by Pst. Emmanuel Iren:

1.     Redefine your concept of happiness

2.     Accountability

3.     Grow up

4.     Control your exposure

5.     Revelation      

Our source of happiness is meant to be from God and God alone. He alone can give us the satisfaction we crave in other things.

The devil wants anyone facing addiction to remain silent so he can leverages on that.  Self-help can never help. Moni had tried every means to help herself but instead of that habit stopping, it got stronger. You need to speak to someone trustworthy and reliable enough to solve your problem. I feel Accountability is the most important step to take of the five steps by Pastor Iren.

This person might most likely tell you how to say no to things that might harm you so you can say no on your own. It means growing up. As children our parents helped us to control how much of sugar we took and other harmful things which made us realize some things were actually not good for us. Moni’s pastor or lecturer knew about the disadvantages of some content which Moni felt was normal. It was then Moni was able to decipher that she needed to control what she read and watched.

She now got her content from the word of God. It helped her increase her contentment in Christ and no longer a slave to that habit.

When we get some revelations in the word of God, Some things we realize helps us feel happy in Christ. We no longer crave satisfaction from other things but in God.