Reading became stress. The stress
that came from disappointments in herself not from the reluctance of staying up
all through the night.
She was alone in the room now, crying
and trying to stop something she didn’t like but seemed like she had to do to
gain her sanity. The moment finally ended.
‘’Lord I’m sorry’’ she muttered in
guilt, closed her notes, switched off the light and forced herself to sleep.
Sunday was next day. She was so
early, earlier than chapel workers. It felt like chapel was the place she could
correct her wrongs.
Moni! Her roomie shouted as she
approached their room.
‘’You’re early today oo’’
She smiled. Moni was known for her smile
but this time, her smile had turmoil in it. ‘’Good morning’’ she said to her
roommate.
This morning walk to chapel wasn’t
complete without her friends but that was the intention, to be alone, to find
relief.
The saxophonists were preparing to
usher the preacher. The lead player gave its first sound, everyone was up. Moni
could not stand from her sit. That song she knew but never understood until now
were interpreted by the crowd from the sound of the saxophone.
‘’My God’’ she whispered as she began
to sing.
Ancient words ever true,
Changing me and changing you,
We have come with open heart,
O let the ancient words impart.
She broke down in tears as she bent
her head to her laps with both hands covering her face.
‘’Why do I keep falling? I can’t
overcome, I want to know you more Lord’’. Thoughts ran through her head.
It was an invited guest. The sermon
was on Addiction. Moni was about to write but that shock stopped her.
‘’Addiction!’’ again the preacher
exclaimed.
This time she wasn’t feeling much of
guilt but eagerness to hear if the preacher could proffer a solution.
Chapel was over. Moni was blessed.
Sunday’s sleep as Moni always called it
was the most interesting sleep for her. On Sunday afternoons and every of her leisure,
she derived her happiness from reading mills and boon online and fantasizing
about them.
But this Sunday was different. She
needed her source of happiness directly from God. It seemed like there was a
part of God he was missing. She was reading about the Holy Spirit online before
she slept off.
She went into her lecturer’s office
after her first class on Monday. The lecturer was also a young unmarried pastor
in the school chapel.
She knew Moni wanted to tell her something
beyond Good morning ma and submission of assignment.
‘’Are you ok?’’ The lecturer asked
calmly.
‘’Yes ma but please I want to tell
you something confidential’’ Moni said shyly
‘'you can go ahead’’ she replied.
Moni paused to check the facial
expression of her lecturer. Welcoming as usual.
‘’I usually…’’ tears dropped!
The lecturer brought out a
handkerchief as she moved closer to Moni to wipe her tears.
‘’I don’t know how to say it, it’s
embarrassing’’. Moni said
‘’No matter how embarrassing it might
be, I will gladly hear you’’ she replied
Moni summoned courage. ‘’I usually masturbate. I don’t like it but I
can’t stop. It makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel like let me just go on
with other bad things since I can’t stop this one, I feel like God is angry
with me.’’
‘’You have power over sins, you will
stop’’, her lecturer said smiling. Like that smile inspired by the Holy Spirit.
The lecturer held her hands to pray, Moni got baptized in the Holy Spirit as
the lecturer spoke in tongues while praying with her.
She was crying now, not tears of pain
but tears of her victory and the feelings of the love of her saviour getting
restored back to her.
Moni stopped visiting those sites and
stopped reading those super romance stories that made her happy. Her lecturer
told her that part of the temptation we fall into were as a result of the
content we feed ourselves. She reminded her about James 1:13-15. And so Moni
had realized that part of the things she had to control were what she read and
some things she care freely watched that came back creating images in her head.
Her source of happiness was directly from God.
As she continued in this process she
felt content in Christ. At those times the urge came she spoke in the Holy
Spirit and leveraged on the revelation she had in God’s word.
‘’ Thank you lord’’ she said as she
put off the light to sleep.
There are five steps I would like to
share with you on stopping addiction by Pst. Emmanuel Iren:
1. Redefine your concept of happiness
2. Accountability
3. Grow up
4. Control your exposure
5. Revelation
Our source of happiness is meant to
be from God and God alone. He alone can give us the satisfaction we crave in
other things.
The devil wants anyone facing
addiction to remain silent so he can leverages on that. Self-help can never help. Moni had tried every
means to help herself but instead of that habit stopping, it got stronger. You
need to speak to someone trustworthy and reliable enough to solve your problem.
I feel Accountability is the most important step to take of the five steps by Pastor
Iren.
This person might most likely tell
you how to say no to things that might harm you so you can say no on your own. It
means growing up. As children our parents helped us to control how much of sugar
we took and other harmful things which made us realize some things were
actually not good for us. Moni’s pastor or lecturer knew about the disadvantages
of some content which Moni felt was normal. It was then Moni was able to decipher
that she needed to control what she read and watched.
She now got her content from the word
of God. It helped her increase her contentment in Christ and no longer a slave to
that habit.
When we get some revelations in the
word of God, Some things we realize helps us feel happy in Christ. We no longer
crave satisfaction from other things but in God.
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